Showing posts with label desi mamma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desi mamma. Show all posts

Monday, 22 June 2020

Birds and Bees


The last time I saw bees in India was when I was 19 years old. My engineering college like several others stood right in the middle of a God-forsaken piece of land. The wild bees built massive hives that hung off precarious edges of the college buildings, that too within a matter of hours. That’s when we saw how skilled they really are, putting civil engineers to shame.

As a child, I remember being let loose in an overgrown garden that was a haven to creepy crawlies and the (now not so) common garden sparrows. That was perhaps my first brush against Dame Nature. I spent glorious summer afternoons exploring in the shade of the lemon tree as the rest of the family snoozed. A child’s curiosity helped further by the absence of adults led to several discoveries. Wriggly earthworms that were given shelter in the sand ‘hills’, the grasshopper who jumped against his will as I gave him chase, the ants that were constantly annoyed to have their discipline disturbed, the colorful butterflies that were always eluding my fingers as they skimmed over marigolds and the angry wasp who stung me on two occasions as I dug through his hole in the coconut tree.  
Add to this the tiny sparrows that were brave enough to hop closer in the hope of finding bits of grain, green parakeets that often nicked the best guavas and the rare blue kingfisher who perched on the powerlines ever so fearlessly.

As my formative years were spent close to the ground, the next decade was spent living within the pages of several books, along the likes of Enid Blyton. I was transported to the English countryside. That was the time anything foreign was considered fancy, a time when we only saw strawberries in picture books, we could only imagine what oak and maple trees looked like. Ladybugs, beetles, water lilies, honeysuckle, hedgehogs, blackbirds, hillside cottages and snow were only alive in imagination.


Fast forward another decade and a half, my Enid Blyton dreams have come alive, albeit in Holland. While the country is grey half the year, summer is pure magic. It is almost impossible to keep life from blossoming. The empty trees now are clad in beautiful green tunics, ferns and bulbs push through the earth to smell the sweet summer air. Lush green carpets of grass sprout and tiny wildflowers bravely open their petals despite trampling feet. Even weeds that grow in cracks blossom into pretty, little flowers, all awaiting the buzz of the bees. Like this isn’t sufficient, every garden, every balcony and every windowsill overflows with flowers of every shade and shape possible.



Back home, as our cities take over forests and turn into concrete jungles, the Hague has its own artificial forest, a space filled with solitude, peace and dog poo - part of the natural experience, I suppose.  Every neighbourhood is blessed with at least a few yards of nothingness that acts as a harbor for insects which, we now understand are the beginnings of the food chain. Even as biologists worldwide clamor to revive bees, most developed as well as developing nations seem to concentrate only on reviving their economies at the expense of nature.

Holland is a happy and robust picture of healthy outdoors. The bee population alone has observed a spike of almost 45% since 2000. The efforts of the government in banning insecticides and planting native wildflowers along the highways, railway tracks and even on top of bus stops has paid off. Spotted ladybugs in red, yellow and orange hues bask in the sunshine filled gardens, grasshoppers and frogs hop about in my shady backyard, butterflies flit in and out as they deem right and the drone of bees has become a constant.



This multitude of insects brings birds to houses. People help by taking active interest in nature and gardening. Most houses sport bird houses, bird baths and insect hotels. Sparrows and tits are aplenty as are the magpies and robins. They come at dawn break to gobble sleepy little insects and present us with a lovely waking-up concert. Afternoons are reserved for blackbirds that sit just above reach in the dark shade of the trees, singing in their piercing, yet beautiful voices. As evening stretches into night, we sometimes see a mud brown bird with a brilliant teal tail, that has been nicknamed as “we-don’t-know” bird by my daughter.



Like typical NRI parents, our vacations are always in India for our daughter to spend quality time with the extended family. And it can’t be more different there. Honking has replaced calls of birds. The motor sound has driven away the buzz of bees. Every inch of available space is being scaled up to become buildings. The human presence asserts itself raucously, just about everywhere. The only insects that have learnt to live with our devious ways are mosquitoes that come in hordes at sunset, frightening the daylights out of everyone. Not to forget the midnight visitors - the cockroaches that feast on filth.

While the kids of my friends are mini scientists, I wonder if they have ever been left to discover nature the way many of us did. Do they know the feeling of running through dewy grass early in the morning? The feel of velvety moss? The flutter of butterfly wings on your nose when you get too close to it? The thrill of plucking Crossandra flowers and tasting the nectar in its bulging end? It is disheartening to think that the average city-bred toddler in India is a stranger to these sensations.

When I see Dutch children, I realize how in tune with nature they are. They run unhindered and barefooted through grass and scalding sand. They make bouquets of wildflowers. Collecting shells, pine-cones and autumn leaves are favorite activities. Feeding the obese ducks in the canals is a national pastime. Biking through photogenic cycling routes and picnicking in fields of tulips and daffodils is another adventure. These are simple pleasures of life that the Dutch children are constantly exposed to, which in turn make them respect and conserve nature as adults.
Even as most four-year-olds attend online lessons, Ira and I spend our days in the backyard or taking long walks, stopping by to smell flowers, marvel at insects and blow dandelions. Should I spend this time teaching her alphabets and numbers? Perhaps. But I prefer to make our way outdoors while the sun shines.
And then, despite the Corona virus the world still seems like a happy place.





Tuesday, 2 June 2020

NETHERLANDS vs MOTHERLAND - Me and motherhood part 1





She is a bag of surprises. Has been, right from the very beginning. She made her way into me without any kind of signalling. Bam! Just like how she wants to play in the park and she does, just like that by hook or crook. 

Nine months and one final bumpy tuk tuk ride later, she seemed to have had enough. She wanted out, even when I wasn't ready. So she did make it out, after a cut in my tummy. It's funny that my gut, while so close to the womb was wrong all along. While I very much wanted a girl, I made peace with the idea that I might be birthing a little penis. But again, that's where I was surprised, I had birthed a girl in all her naked glory! 

 After the first few harrowing months of sleeplessness, milk allergy, possible nut allergy, add to it the gluten allergy, I grew allergic to all babies. In the midst of all this, we made plans to come back to Holland. She was half a year old and I was half dead already. 

Holland again. But with a new family member and brand new ground floor house (yippee!) 

What surprised me was the attitude of the Netherlands to babies and mother. While back in India, mothers are given a superior title that they sacrifice themselves to uphold, Holland seemed to be empathetic to the mother. Don't want to nurse? Feed her formula. Child with milk allergy? Major changes to the mother's diet might do more harm, so doctors are happy to prescribe special formula. Unable to sleep with the baby kicking your face? Put her in a crib. Better still in another room. Because a sleep deprived parent is more a monster than a mother. Baby seeks comfort? Push a pacifier into her mouth. 

Back home, I was harassed and guilted into nursing my child, all the while foregoing major chunks of my vegetarian( or junkarian) diet. Baby cries? Feed. Cries again in 30 mins? Feed again because her stomach would have emptied after weeing. Fussy baby? Feed her again, she probably wants comfort. This happened all day and night, every day and night. Everybody seemed to have opinions and judgements on what and how I wanted to feed my baby. Right from the lady-doctor who 'advised' me to the males in the family who thought my boob is my baby's right. 
                                                          

Holland makes way for the mother to feel supported. Primary caregiver needn't necessarily be the mother when the baby isn't dependent on her for the most basic needs. Extendable paternal holiday to ensure that the father also enjoys a mother's role (pun intended). 
The next difficult part of bringing up children - food. Feel like cooking? Go ahead. Don't want to? Then just make a sandwich. Easy meal is the shortcut to happy parenthood. Formula and purees to simple sandwiches. All you need to do is not to judge yourself or let anyone do it. 

And just like that, I didn't miss India anymore! And this is my `Ira“ of happiness!!